I knowthis blog has somehow slowly turned into this one stop eye candy place but I guess that is alright because most of the time fashion is thrown in and well kids lets fasce teh awful trutch fashion is a LOT of eye candy. You know what partly bothers me is in 45 years I feel like I have never and wil never be that gorgeous. Not ripped, not buff, not stunningly handsome, not ruggedly masculine so I could do a Old Spice commercial. Lets face it, I have never seen myself as any of those things even in my twenties when I had all my hair and was my thinnest I still say the fat pimpy gay kid in the mirror.
I am I have toadmit my toughest critic and I am going to be brutal her I hate the way I look. Bald because the AZT made nearly all my hair fall out, grey because lest face it I am middle age and 4 rounds of radiation didn't help, I am according to standards for my height 40 pounds overweight. But kids it has been ages since I weighed 180--you do the math because that is the closest I will ever get to mentioning my weight ever.
Can I say I alwys wanted to be the "gorgeous gay" as I call them, the guy that takes your breath away because you simply saw him. You know the type I am talking about, the guy I just described above, you looks like he got out of bed gorgeous. The guy who makes you weak in the knees, the guy you fantasize about in your dreams.
Time marches on and I feel like my chances of being that guy are over. Oh well, right? I am not ugly by any means I hope, I am fairly smart, I am doing splendedly in school and even though I still cant see any thing but the overweight pimply gay kid in the mirror when I do look at myself I do know I have made it.
Maybe I need to get a cheap trainer, anybody know any?
