If anything I feel VERY alone, very tired, emotionally over being stuck in a system where I constanly am fucked over without being asked (govermentally speaking, SSI/SSD/Medicaid/Medicare/food stamps) and feeling like no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, no matter what my grades are I MAY never change. I want friends I can hang out with, share my life with, laugh with. I want some amount of success, I want to be E.F. Hutton when I speak people do listen---really listen.
I don't want to struggle any more, I don't want to fight my way to get what little I have, beg to get it and then regret having it because I had to give so much of myself to have it. If g-d gave me all of this talents I have and kids there are a lot of them---why hasn't any of it paid off?
Why are some people handed the golden spoon everytime you turn arund and the rest of us well we are just shoved into the mud?! What does a guy have to do to get noticed, to get ahead, to be discovered? Sell his soul? I'm near that point!
Why does everything seem so surface and nothing deeper, more meaningful, more lasting? Do I expect to much? Am I too needy? Am I just whining?
